When Prayer Disappoints
"No, I don't believe in God, and if there is one, I don't want anything to do with Him."
The words were spoken with such anger that I paused before responding, but I couldn't ignore the urging from the Holy Spirit.
"May I ask why?" I inquired.
"Because I prayed just like I was taught, but God didn't answer. He didn't give me what I asked for. So either there isn't a God, or He's just not reliable."
My heart sank. This was not the first time I'd heard this reasoning for doubting God and His goodness. Since arriving in Wales, I've encountered this view repeatedly. How does the concept of prayer become so misconstrued? Where do people get the idea that God is merely a genie in a bottle, waiting to grant their every request? Sadly, it often starts in our pulpits.
These days, prayer is seldom taught as a conversation with God. Instead, it is presented as a means of getting what we want or receiving help in distress. It's not emphasized that prayer helps us learn about God and grow closer to Him in a meaningful relationship. It's taught that when we're in trouble, all we need to do is pray, and God will fix our situation. No matter what we want or need, God will provide. You ask; He gives. Is it any wonder so many are disillusioned and disappointed in God?
I took a deep breath and chose my words carefully. "Prayer isn't a vending machine where we insert our requests and automatically receive what we want. It's a relationship."
The furrowed brow across from me showed skepticism, but at least they were listening.
Imagine if the only time I spoke to my husband was when I needed something: "I need money for groceries." "The car needs petrol." "Can you fix the leaky tap?" Never once saying "I love you" or asking about his day or simply enjoying his company. What kind of relationship would that be?
Yet that's often how we approach God. We treat Him as a cosmic handyman rather than a loving Father who desires communion with us.
The Bible tells us in Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Notice the order: first delight in Him, then the desires. It's not saying God gives us everything we ask for. But when we truly delight in God, our desires begin to align with His. We want what He wants, and we start to realize that what we thought we wanted wasn't good for us.
Sometimes God's answers to prayer are "yes," sometimes "no," and sometimes "wait." Like any loving parent, God doesn't always give us what we want but what we need. He knows all and sees all, so we can trust that He will protect us from things that could harm us, even those things for which we prayed.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, even Jesus prayed, "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt" (Matthew 26:39). If Jesus submitted His will to the Father, shouldn't we?
The greatest purpose of prayer isn't to get what we want; it's to become who God wants us to be. Prayer transforms us. It aligns our hearts with His. It builds a close relationship.
So perhaps the question isn't whether God answers prayer, but whether we're willing to accept His answer, even when it's not what we expected or wanted.
And a word of caution: As believers, let's be careful how we explain and portray prayer. The world doesn't know better, but we do. Let's not lead others to be disillusioned by prayer by giving them a false representation of what it is.
The real miracle of prayer isn't found in the answers we receive but in the relationship we develop. Perhaps the greatest answer to prayer is the presence of God Himself.
Prayer is a privilege, but it's also a responsibility. While we are encouraged to pray in our hour of need, that isn't the only time we should talk with God. And remember, because God has our best interests at heart, He won't always give us what we want.
So don't give up on prayer when it seems to disappoint. Instead, look deeper and discover the beautiful truth that God's apparent silence often speaks volumes about His perfect love. God is good all the time. Trust in that, and prayer will make sense.